The Truth Can Be So Loud
by free-2write-4me
Summary: When it wants to the truth can be so loud and other times it's as quiet as a whisper.
1. Prologue

AN: I live in the U.S. and I've never actually seen a whole episode of Skins. This story will be set in America as that's just easier for me to write. I'm trying to bring Emily and Naomi's voices through clearly in my writing just, this time, with a different accent. Reviews would be wonderful as this is a bit of a shot in the dark for me

* * *

Nobody asks to be born. We don't really have a choice in the matter. We emerge from the safety and sanctity of our mother's womb take those first few breaths and without anyone asking for our input we're living. We're alive. At the ripe old age of a few seconds old we have no idea that we should probably be scared shitless. Or maybe we do. Maybe that's why the first few noises we ever make are screams. Because we do know that holy fucking shit things aren't ever going to be as easy as they once were. Because life isn't easy and if we had the choice in the first place many of us probably wouldn't chose it

When you're young you forget things easily. You can forget where you put your favorite toy spend hours crying over it before someone hands you something else and then you have a new favorite toy. You can forget that you told your Mom you were never going to sleep again because the sheets are really soft and honestly you really meant starting tomorrow you weren't ever going to sleep again. More importantly, you can forget those few seconds of all knowing knowledge you had at birth. You can forget that realization and just live. Because, well, it's already started maybe you should just try to enjoy the ride.

But the thing about truths is they always come back to you. You can try to ignore them, run away, turn your back but there comes a point where you can't fight them anymore. It takes some longer than others to remember the truth but, in the end, all of us do.

I can remember the exact moment the truth caught up with me. I was 17 sitting in first period history when the door of the classroom opened about 10 minutes after the late bell. She walked in with a casual confidence of someone who really didn't give a fuck about what anyone else thought. She walked right up to the teacher handing him her pass turning to face the class as he he read it over. Her blue eyes swept lazily across the room and for a brief moment they locked with mine.

In that moment the truth came roaring back. So loud so incredibly clear that I couldn't believe I was the only one who had heard it. Only her name slipped through the roar as the teacher introduced her to the class.

Naomi Campbell

I was fucked.


	2. Chapter 1

AN: Okay, I guess I'll give it a go. Here's chapter 1. Hope you enjoy and please review.

* * *

If you're lucky the secrets get revealed to you one at a time. Bit by bit and only after you've become comfortable with the previous one. It has to be a slow process. Because once it starts, once you can no longer ignore the truth, it doesn't stop. There's no going back no matter how fucking hard you fight. Your only choice, regardless of what you think, is forward. You might be able to look over your shoulder at what lays behind you. Or try to make decisions that you think will take you back but you're only ever moving forward. My little brother was a raging perv, I was fairly certain my parents were headed for a divorce and my twin sister, Katie, was two evil deeds away from being the illegitimate spawn of the devil. Clearly luck wasn't something I was familiar with.

When her eyes moved away from mine as they searched, presumably, for where she was going to sit once the teacher shut his goddamn mouth mine went with them. There was Freddie, Cook and myself. Those were the only desks that had an empty chair at the table.

"Don't sit next to Freddie" I mused internally, turning back to look at her "his fucking perfect side-swept bangs will suck you in." She looked up then, from playing with the bracelets hanging on her slender wrist, almost like she could hear my mental tirade "and please don't sit next to Cook, the fucking idiot, if he says something to you, which he will, I might end up hitting him and I really don't want to have to explain that to anyone."

"Ms. Campbell, you're new so just…pick a seat."

She pushed off the desk she'd been leaning against, pulling her purse onto her shoulder, and took a step forward. Not in any particular direction but that was enough.

"Sit next to me."

Twenty pairs of eyes shot to my direction like I'd just announced I was from another planet or something. Did I just say that out loud? Fuck, I did. I pause clearing my throat looking anywhere but at her.

"That's very nice of you Ms. Fitch" The teacher said as he looked to Naomi then nodded to the seat next to me. Maybe he wasn't so bad.

In a few moments the chair next to me was pulled out, a purse was dropped on the tabletop and I was holding my breath as she sat down. There were a few moments of silence as everyone waited. For what I'm not sure I wasn't going to screw her on the table or something. Wait what? Where did that come from. Crap. Then the teacher turned back to the lesson and the attention was away from us.

"S-sorry" I said scooting my history book over to my side of the desk

She shrugged "Just so you know this doesn't mean we're going to be best friends or whatever it is you wanted when you asked me to sit down."

"I didn't want anything" I said finally looking at her. Liar. The word rang through my head and I looked away.

"Everybody wants something. What's your name by the way?"

"Emily" I said as I flipped aimlessly through the history book.

"Well, Emily" she said looking at the page I had paused at when she said my name "that guy wanted to free the slaves" she paused flipping through a few pages "she wanted to the right to vote and you" she said looking over at me "for whatever reason, wanted me to sit next to you. Everybody wants something."

I was fucked, so very very fucked.

We didn't talk much, at all, after that. She got up when the bell rang slid her notebook into her purse and walked out.

"Hey…Emily…hey, hey…"

"What Cook?" I turned looking at the desk behind me as I pulled my bag onto my shoulder.

"Why didn't you let her sit next to me? You saw she was coming over here."

"In your dreams Cook"

"No, in my dreams she wouldn't be wearing anything."

"Shut up" I said quickly, feeling the grip on the strap of my bag tightening a little.

He laughed and I shook my head as I started to walk away "I'm just joking" he called after me.

I had her in my next class too. I started to say something but stopped myself when I realized I didn't know what to talk to her about.

After that I didn't see her until lunch. I came out of the ling holding two trays one for me and one for Katie. She said she'd pay me back. If I had a dollar for every time she said that, no…she'd still owe me money. Naomi was standing at the vending machine, obviously frustrated. It looked like she'd put in money but the machine hadn't dispensed what she wanted. She hit the machine a few times, kicked it for good measure before walking away.

"Hey Emily" I was jerked out of my revere by my sister sitting at her table surround by people. She was popular. She knew she was popular. I was her shadow. "Come on, before I starve over here please."

I looked over my shoulder hoping to catch a hint of blonde but I didn't so I walked over and set Katie's tray in front of her. Only then to realize that there wasn't actually a place at the table for me to sit. After standing there for a few moments, long enough to realize that no one was going to move and Katie wasn't going to say anything I walked away heading outside to eat. On my way outside I crashed into Pandora, the little fairy, off in her own little world which sent my tray and its contents all over the ground.

"Oh, I'm sorry Emily. Didn't see you, sorry."

"It's okay" I said looking down at my food, and then pulling my purse to my front to see if I had any change. "It's fine. I'll just go to the vending machine."

"Sorry Emily" she called as I walked away. I smiled lightly at her over my shoulder as I went back inside. I scanned the contents of the vending machine noticing that there was a bag of cookies handing almost lose but not quite. The kinds that are short bread with chocolate dipped on the back. I paused a moment before slipping the correct amount of change into the slot then pressing the appropriate numbers. I was please to hear two thumps against the bottom of the machine as both bags were dispensed. I bent down to pull them out holding them both in my hands for a moment before opening one and sliding the other into my bag.

The day went by rather slowly after that and by seventh period I was so fucking ready to get out of that hell hole. I walked into my last class deciding to take a seat in the back. Since I did I was able to see her walk in. It was a pleasant surprise and suddenly I wasn't so ready for the day to be over. But it's funny how time works. Since I didn't class to be over it felt like it took a grand total of two minutes for the dismissal bell to ring. She was halfway out the classroom door before I had a chance to call her name.

"Naomi" I said walking quickly after her "Naomi"

She spun around the look in her face telling me she certainly hadn't expected it to be me who called her.

"Yes" she said pushing a bit of her blonde bangs behind her ear.

"I uh…" I paused as I rummaged through my bag "I saw you at lunch today" I finally said pulling out the bag of cookies "I-I used the machine after you. It gave me two bags, so…these, these are yours, right?"

She looked down at the bag that I was holding out to her then back up at me. She finally reached out to take the back. "Yeah…thanks"

I smiled lightly "No problem" I opened my mouth to speak again but was interrupted.

"Jesus Christ Emily will you come on!" Katie's voice rang out "Always keeping my waiting for you. We're not doing it today."

One deed down one more to go and she'd get the family discount in hell.

Naomi raised an eyebrow looking over my shoulder at Katie who was making her way towards us. "Well" she said putting the cookies into her bag "that's rather rude"

"Yeah..I, she's my sister" I shrugged

"Emily, let's go" Katie said finally reaching us and starting to tug me away. I stumbled lightly having no choice but to follow. Looking over my shoulder I saw that Naomi was still standing there her eyes on me a small smile on her face. She stood there for a brief moment before shaking her head and turning, heading down the other end of the hallway.

Maybe I wasn't so fucked after all.


	3. Chapter 2

**AN: Liz this update is just for you. : )**

**AN 2: This update is a bit shorter than normal. I'm not sure how many people are out there that are still reading. If you're interested and want quicker longer updates it'd be great if you would review. It really motivates me to know that there are people out there who are reading and any comments really drive me to get new chapters of the story out there. So please review. Hope you enjoy this new chapter.**

* * *

I never understood the saying 'life is a game'. It just didn't make any since to me. Of course, it didn't help that only old people in rocking chairs who obviously had no idea how the world worked said it.

All that aside, I get it now. Life is a game. To be more specific it's a game of catch. The world is tossing little glass balls of truth at us. We run around, regardless of how tired we are, how we can barely catch our breath, and try to catch the truth. We don't want those truths to shatter. We don't want little pieces of glass littering the ground cutting at our bare feet and slowly but surely making it harder for us to move. Harder for us to continue to catch those truths that the world is continually throwing. Sometimes it's not even a soft lob. Sometimes the truths are coming so fast, so often, we're afraid to catch them. We're afraid that they will shatter as soon as they touch us. Afraid of the damage they might cause.

We don't know how long it'll last, how long we'll have to play. So we play for as long as we can. Because, it is a game and despite how hard it is – it's fun.

The thing we eventually realize. The thing that's probably most important is that the game is much easier, much more fun when we have someone else to play with.

"Naomi…uh…Naomi"

Naomi looked up at me from her seat on the floor. Her back rested against a row of lockers. She pulled her earphones out of her ears I could still hear the music as she looked up at me.

"Um…hi…" I finally said looking back and forth down the empty hallway. "You're…here early…"

"Yeah"

"Talking with a teacher?" I asked as I slowly set my bag next to hers. Maybe if I moved slowly she wouldn't give me one of those fuck off looks. The ones I'd been getting for the past few weeks.

"No"

"Oh…okay" I nodded as I sat down next to her.

The silence between us was filled with the music coming from her headphones so I finally said, "That's a great song…"

"What do you want?"

"I just wa-

"Hey babes, what's going on here? Having a little chat? The cookie monster loves to talk too."

One day I was going to kill Cook. With a dull spoon.

I closed my mouth watching Cook as he walked over to us.

"What, you're not going to tell me? Is it personal? Something between the two love birds" He laughed, looking between us putting his hands in his pockets.

"Shut up" I was quick to say as I felt Naomi tense beside me.

"I'm just joking just joking." He laughed "Well fine then. Don't tell me, I just wanted to be a gentlemen and invite you two to a little party I'm throwing this Friday. You coming?"

I looked over at Naomi she was looking down scrolling through the music on her iPod. "Yeah…" I pulled my eyes away from her to look up at Cook. "I'm coming." Katie would probably want to go so I might as well get used to the idea now.

"And what about you Naomi?"

Naomi looked up at him then over at me.

I met her eyes with mine. Play this game with me. It could be fun. We could have fun together. It could be wonderful. Don't be afraid.

She blinked looking away then up at Cook she didn't say anything as she stood and grabbed all of her stuff putting her headphones in her ears. As she started to walk away she said one word over her shoulder.

"Okay"


	4. Chapter 3

Our first breath is one of the hardest things we'll ever have to do.

Our lungs fill with oxygen for the first time since their creation. The fluid in them is pumped out and replaced. In the span of a few minutes our bodies are figuring out how to exchange oxygen for carbon dioxide and, you know, get our lungs to work.

It's quick and it's insistent because for anything to even begin this has to work. For the second breath to come you need a first. This magnificently complicated act of breathing. This thing that we can take for granted can end everything before it's even had a chance to begin.

It's one of the most difficult tasks we'll ever ask of our bodies. Yet, we're not really thankful. We're not really thankful for those first few breaths because there really wasn't any other option. We didn't think about it. Either we took them or we died. That was it.

It's later in life that we become truly thankful. When we roll over and listen to the soft inhale and exhale of our lover. When we reach out and lay a hand gently on their back or chest and just feel the steady rise and fall. Those are the breaths we're thankful for.

We're thankful for those breaths because in those moments when everything is calm and still the truth isn't so scary. In those moments when every atom of our body every pocket of our soul is focused on that person laying next to us the noise of the truth is drowned out. Because the truth, the most important truth, well, we're listening to it and that steady breath is the most beautiful symphony in the world. It's every whispered promise. It's every laugh. It's every I love you. It's everything.

Those are the breaths we cherish.

I didn't get that. I didn't know that. Not until Naomi. She let me hear it for a while. But then she got up her breath shaky and uneven as she ran - as she left me.

I want to but I can't hear her anymore.

* * *

"You're wearing my clothes."

A quick glance over my shoulder brings Katie into focus. I turn my attention away from her back to the mirror I'd been looking in. I run a hand down the black miniskirt I'm wearing smoothing out wrinkles that I know aren't there. The bangs I'd left unpinned fall into my face as I tilt my head a little scrutinizing my reflection.

"You look like a whore."

Her voice is getting closer as she moves to stand next to me reaching out and picking up a tube of lipgloss that I'd just set down.

"That's good." She says as she finishes applying the lipgloss.

I can't help the small smirk that pulls at the corner of my mouth. It may have been bitchy but I know my sister and that was a compliment. "Thanks Katie"

"I'm just saying it's about time you took some interest in your appearance. Finally trying to impress someone? Who is it?"

"No one" I reply my eyes back on my reflection. My fingers toying nervously with the feather shaped pendent that hangs from a gold chain around my neck. "No one"

"Emsy…who is it?" Katie asks again after a moment. And she's looking at me. Really looking at me in a way that reminds me she's my twin. Reminds me that no matter how different we are she'll still know me in a way no one else ever will. I could tell her. I could tell her right now. The answer is on the tip of my tongue when a car horn goes off outside.

Katie watches me as I walk over to my bed to pick up my purse, "That's our ride."

"Yeah" I nod as I pull the purse up onto my shoulder "So…let's go."

It's me who takes the first step towards the door. It's me who leads her out of the room and down the stairs. It's me who ignores the question I can hear her silently asking.

* * *

The party is loud and almost out of control when we get there. I can't say I'm surprised considering who invited me. Katie and I part almost immediately. It's nothing new we'll find each other.

I weave my way through the maze of people. My eyes flit from one person to the next searching for blonde - searching for her. The beat is pounding and people are dancing a haze of smoke has filled the air and at some point a cup is pressed into my hand. I look to see who handed it to me and I'm surprised to see Effy staring back at me.

I smile at her leaning in to be heard over the music, "Thanks"

She gives me a small nod and I hear her reply even though it doesn't seem like she's raised her voice from its usual sultry softness. "It's interesting, I think, the way she looks at you. Like you could end her but maybe she could be okay with that." As quickly as she was there, before I can ask who she is talking about, she's gone.

I turn around looking for Effy in the crowd wanting to find out who she's talking about. Hoping I already know. I let out a breath before I take a small sip of the contents of the cup she handed me. I relish in the all too familiar sting as the liquid slides down my throat. An elbow comes in contact with my shoulder blade forcing me towards the kitchen. A muffled "s'cuse me" is tossed over a broad shoulder. I simply nod in return as I enter the kitchen pleased to find that it is empty. I take in a slow even breath as I walk further into the surprisingly large kitchen. I set my cup down on the island counter before I lean back against it. My back pressed into cold marble.

"Well, this is a fucking disappointment."

I bite my bottom lip to keep the smile from spreading across my face. I don't even need to look to know who it is. I feel the warmth of a body next to me a few moments later.

"I expected a bit better from Cook. But, now that I think about it I can't really figure out why."

I finally let the smile form on my face as I look up to see the blonde I'd been searching for.

"So you decided to what, hide out in the kitchen?" I ask

Naomi rolls her eyes as she reaches out grabbing the cup I'd just set down taking a drink from it.

"Well, I couldn't be out there could I?"

"You didn't have to stay if you weren't having fun."

Naomi didn't respond taking another drink from my cup.

"Why'd you stay?" I ask

Still no response. She takes another drink.

"Were you waiting for someone?"

After a moment Naomi sets the cup back down on the counter. Her body now faces mine. Her side leaning against the counter top while my back is against it and I look over at her.

"What do you want?" she asks. Pausing a moment before saying, "what do you want…from me?"

I shrug turning my head away from her looking at the magnets that adorn the stainless steel refrigerator "Why'd you stay Naomi" I ask again, watching her out of the corner of my eye.

"Maybe I…maybe…"

I turn my body to face hers as her sentence trails off. It's then that I realize how close we are. Despite the music filtering into the kitchen I can hear her breathing. The steady in and out.

My voice is soft as I repeat my question, "Why'd you stay Naomi? What did _you _want?"

I don't have to ask the question again because in the next instant her lips are pressed to mine. I don't know who moved first or when it even happened. But her hands are on my hips and mine have slid to the small of her back and she's tilting her head one way then the other to kiss me as I pull her closer. I can taste the alcohol on her lips as I press mine more firmly to hers. I can feel the soft moan vibrate through her as I run my fingernails back and forth against the material of the shirt she's wearing. We separate gently the kiss slowing until my forehead rests against hers. My eyes are still closed. My pulse is pounding in my ears. But I can hear it. I can hear the inhale and the exhale. I can hear her answer to my question. I stayed for you. I _want_ you. I can hear it so loud and so clear that when my eyes flutter open and meet hers I'm surprised by the fear I see in them.

"N-Naomi…"

She's quickly detangling herself from my arms. "I-I didn't mean to do that. I shouldn't have done that. We…fuck, shit...shit" she shakes her head a shaky hand reaching up to wipe at her smudged lipstick.

"Naomi" I began taking a step forward. This is wrong all wrong. I heard it. I know I did. This shouldn't be her reaction. This shouldn't be what's happening.

"No!"

I immediately pause and shrink back at the volume of her voice.

"I…I'm sorry." She said her voice softer but shaking. "That shouldn't have happened. I'm sorry." She turns making her way quickly out of the kitchen. I try to go after her but she's disappeared into the crowd.

* * *

That night as I wipe away the tears that are streaming down my face I let out a surprised gasp as I feel the bed dip next to me. An arm wraps around my waist and I'm pulled back into a body practically identical to my own.

"Is it worth it?" Katie whispers into the night.

And there they are again those silent questions that only Katie can ask.

I inhale fighting the exhale holding my breath for a few moments.

"Yes" I finally exhale.

And it's that simple. As simple as breathing.

* * *

AN: Please let me know what you think. Sorry it took so long to update. But, I'm really back into the swing of this story so updates will certainly be much quicker. Also, I'm looking for a beta. I feel like there are some grammar mistakes I'm missing and it'd also be great to have someone to give me a bit of a nudge when my updates are taking too long. So, if you're interested, PM me. Thanks for taking the time to read and I hope you enjoy.


	5. Chapter 4

Sometimes, in the middle of it all, there is silence and everything is still. The truths stop coming and we're left adrift and confused. We thought we were figuring things out. We thought we were finally beginning to understand. Then, we discover that we really understood nothing. While we were racing around trying to catch the truth we never took the time to decipher it. To really pause and take the time to recognize the words the world was whispering. Because that's what it was - a whisper. It's funny though, because when we're in it the truth is so loud. So startling and frightening the words pounding against us. But when we stop. When the world forces us to stop and take the time. The words are quiet. And we suddenly realize that we don't even know where to start.

There's so much. There's so much more than we ever could've imagined. We're faced with the reality that there is a whole world of truths and we've only discovered a few. And even those few we don't really understand. As hard as it was there is still so much more to learn. We begin to wonder – why. Why continue? Why not give up? Why now? Why me? We see those people. The people who go through life without knowing what we've begun to learn. They're blissfully unaware of the truths whirling around them. Why can't we go back? Back to when we were one of those people. Why couldn't we have waited. There are so many more questions to add to the ones we've barely begun to answer. How do we do it? How do we move forward?

It's rare that we recognize the moment. The moment things begin to slide into place. The moment the pieces begin to fit together. There's no fanfare, confetti or fireworks. The shift is imperceptible. But it happens and after that things will never be the same. They can never be the same. We've spent all that time collecting the truth and carefully piling it away into the corners of our hearts. All that time spent setting it aside its ironic really how little it takes to finally begin to understand. We were so worried so scared that it would never happen. That those few seconds in between confusion and understanding pass by before we've even noticed them.

Then we're different. Forever changed.

She asked me what I wanted from her.

I never had an answer.

I didn't know until I knew. Until it was clear. Until I understood.

When she asked me again.

I told her.

* * *

"Emily…Emily wait. Where are you going?"

"I'm just going for a walk Mom."

"Going for a walk where?"

Emily let out a breath as she grabbed her wallet off of the kitchen counter stuffing it into her purse as she quickened her pace. "Just…to the bus stop. I'm going to take the bus downtown. Hang out with some friends."

"Which friends?"

"Mom, come on!"

"I just want to make sure you're safe. Hanging out with the right people."

"Don't worry about it."

"Emily wai-…"

The protests of Emily's mother were cut off as Emily closed the front door behind her. She moved quickly down the walkway away from her house turning right and she just kept walking. Just kept going. She paused digging through her purse when she felt her phone vibrate. Pulling her phone out she checked to see who the message was from. Katie.

"Where r u going?"

Emily's fingers hovered over the keys of her phone before she finally flipped it closed and slid it into her purse. She looked around for a moment squinting into the silence for an answer that didn't come. She boarded the next bus that came for town town thankful for the rattle of the bus and the fellow riders that filled the silence.

A few hours later she was walking through a park. It was one of those large ones that the city council builds to try to add a little color to a graying city. She had warm cup of coffee in hand as she wondered aimlessly through the many different paths. She finally took a seat on one of the park benches taking a moment to read the inscription on the back of the bench to.

"Here's to you…" she paused looking back at the small plaque "James Gregory" she turned around raising her cup and taking a sip.

"You know…sane people don't usually talk to themselves."

Emily nearly spit out the sip of coffee she'd just taken at the sudden voice next to her on the bench. She turned to see who it was and nearly choked on the coffee she'd managed to swallow.

"Hey…"

Emily didn't respond for a moment her eyes on the blonde sitting next to her "Naomi." She finally said scooting away on the bench putting a bit of space between them.

The silence stretched between them. Emily wasn't sure how to break it.

"I just um…I just…about the party…a few weeks ago…"

"It's okay"

"Emily, I-I didn't…mean to…to...y'know…"

Emily shook her head looking down at the coffee cup in her hand, "I really don't."

"Y'know…when we were in the kitchen and…I mean…we.."

"We kissed Naomi. That's what we did."

Naomi cleared her throat, "I…I um…yeah when…when we kissed…I...I mean…when we were…in the kitchen and we...I…damnit Naomi what do you want from me...I just...we...I…"

Emily stood from the bench. Naomi stopped talking

"You keep asking me that Naomi. Asking me what I want from you. It's funny though because I think you already know." Emily shook her head looking around for a moment, "I want…you to realize that I want you...and that you want me…and that…it's okay. Yeah, I fucking know we're in high school and what the hell is real in high school. But, whatever this is between us, it's real and…it could be really good. It could be true, if you let it. I want you to be okay with what we have. I want…the good the bad…I want it. That's…what I want…and…" Emily paused swallowing hard, "if you don't want the same thing. I want you to tell me…and I'll still want all of those things from you...but…at the end of the day, I'll just…want you to be happy. So, now you know what I want. What do you want Naomi? What do you want from me?"

Naomi didn't reply her mouth opening and closing over words that she couldn't get out.

Emily let out a breath, waiting and waiting. Naomi still didn't say anything and jerked forward when Emily took a step back.

"It's okay Naomi. I'll live." Emily nodded once, "Well…I'll just…see you around."

Emily turned away and made her way home.

"Emily, is that you? Or is it Katie."

"It's me Mom. Emily."

"Did you have fun today?"

Emily replied as she headed upstairs to her room, "Sure."

"That's good to hear."

Emily closed her bedroom door behind her. She made her way over to her bed through the mess of Katie's side of the room and finally collapsing onto her bed.

The moment had passed. Things had begun to shift and they could never be the same.


End file.
